I have pointed out that you have little chance of dating someone who is tailor-made to your particular personality.
The best you are likely to do is what we called "good suitability." Therefore, there will be many things about you both which the other would very much like to change.
We cannot emphasize too strongly that every person has to act in accordance with the kind of person he is. No promise, however sincere, whether made before, during, or after a marriage, can change the essential pattern of any personality.
This is why wise selection is so vital. The one you marry is the one you get. Of course, people do change with age and experience. The one you marry will not forever remain the game. Neither will you. Such changes will, in part, result from the experiences of marriage.
But such changes will be what they will be, not what you want them to be. They may leave the other less, rather than more satisfactory to you.
Can you influence this process of inevitable change in desired ways?
In trivial matters unrelated to a basic need, you may be able to get some changes with little difficulty. The problem of changing a person is often like that of alterations in a house. A man bought a house which had a tiny bathroom which could easily have been larger had the builder used some of the waste room in the hall.
Before the house was built, such a change would have been simple. After it was built, the change would require a shifting of three partitions and two doorways. Such a change would have cost too much. So it is with the ones we date. If we could bring them up from babyhood, we would properly make some real changes.
But after they are grown, basic changes may prove far more costly than they are worth. Furthermore, a house cannot actively resist alterations, but a husband can; and usually does.
Finally, if you think people can change if they love someone enough, it may indicate that something is wrong with you, rather than with the other party.
Many people have personal deficiencies which they feel unable to overcome, and about which they feel insecure. If they can get others to adopt their peculiarities, they feel less uncomfortable about them.
Those who are too zealous in seeking to convert others to their religion or their point of view are rightly viewed with suspicion. Often what they are really trying to do is to gain support for their own abnormalities as a means of finding greater security for themselves.
Still believe people can change if they love someone?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
How To Love Someone?
What’s the first step to loving someone? Start with this. If you’re a man, be a gentleman. If you’re a woman, be a lady. Sounds simple enough for a start? We all begin to learn right from wrong around the age of 2. We begin to learn what being a lady and a gentleman is around the age of 5. Some of us never master the rudiments of this, but we all have an idea, just like we all know right from wrong. We don’t always DO the right thing, but we know which choice is right – deep down – if you’re even moderately intelligent, you know right from wrong. And we know what it takes to be a lady or a gentleman. It just may need a little refining. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just give it a try. I won’t say how – you really know. Think about it. Start with this, and then read on. I won't go into a lot of depth. This is meant to get you thinking. Read on and consider the concepts and message - not just the words. But some of these are going to require some work on your part – and some long term commitment. That’s what love is. Being in love and making it last is work. No one teaches you that. It’s not the fairy tale that ends “…and they lived happily ever after.” If they did live happily ever after, they worked at it. This is work. But it’s the most wonderful, most fulfilling work you’ll ever do.
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